IN no particular order, or at least in an order which it would be churlish to be particular about, some thoughts from travelling to watch Aberdeen play Atletico Madrid last week.
1. The Spanish police are about as heavy-handed in their attitudes towards visiting football supporters as their countrymen serving in bars are when it comes to pouring whisky. Aberdeen fans in one bar, first mollified by uncommonly large measures of Laphroaig, were taken by surprise before the game when a group of Atletico hooligans started hurling flares and bottles into their midst. Rather than give chase to the arsonists, however, riot police took it upon themselves to wade into the helpless Aberdonian camp, exercising outrageously indiscriminate use of the baton.
2, In the hierarchy of things most people don't really care about, the plight of British football fans on their travels trumps even the inquest into the death of Princess Diana. The phrase "innocents abroad" should be applied sparingly. However, having nicked the North Sea's fish from under their noses, is it too much to expect the Spanish to leave the folk of the north-east with their good looks intact?
3. Why is it that whenever local television stations decided to sample the carnival atmosphere of visiting Scots fans on their news programmes, they always find the tiny minority of those who are overweight and drunk? Anyone would think we had appalling attitudes to food, alcohol and personal hygiene.
4. In all truth, Aberdeen fans - as most of their Scottish counterparts invariably do, even in defeat - gave cause for immense pride. In two camps, one behind the goal and the other high on the stand facing the dug-outs, they were kept in the stadium for 20 minutes after the whistle, and sang their hearts out. From the press box it was like an opera in the round. A bit. You half expected Alex Salmond to come out and make a speech about feel-good factors, the Commonwealth Games, fish and so on.
5. Pity the chap who had to translate Jimmy Calderwood's post-match musings for the Spanish press. What is Spanish for "gutted"? More pertinently, seen from above - the Vicente Calderon Stadium is a pretty steep-sided arena - Jimmy's balding crown has a decidedly whitish hue. Evidently an oversight in his tanning regime.
6. If you fall over in European football, there is roughly a 95 per cent chance you will be given a foul. Spanish teams are better at using this to their advantage than Scottish ones.
7. Unfortunately this is not the only thing they are better at than Scottish teams.
8. Another Laphroaig please, and I suppose a fish supper would be out of the question?
This article appeared in the Sunday Herald