kenny hodgart

The grand-guignol of Brand-Perry

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This article appeared in The Herald

It is comforting in these days of belt-tightening to know that money can still bring about happiness. No doubt the priggish among you will feel that Russell Brand and Katy Perry are wrong to be having such lavish wedding celebrations in India, and that they should have given their money to charity instead. But their very presence in Rajasthan – where at some point during four days of festivities, Brand will ride in on a white horse, escorted by elephants and camels, for his nuptials – will surely delight the locals.

The spreading of joy and plenitude around the world is, in any case, a nice way for the couple to begin their new life together, especially given that, at least to my knowledge, neither of them has previously shown an interest in doing anything for the benefit, enlightenment or general gaiety of humankind.

Well, OK, I don’t know very much about Perry. I seem to think her song I Kissed A Girl And I Liked It was being blamed a while back for a new wave of “ironic” lesbianism (ironic in so far as it was for the benefit of boys) among over-sexualised teenage girls. But Brand is a singularly grotesque individual: ubiquitous, over-exposed in profile and attire, and rather less funny than a dose of the clap.

That would seem to me to be all there is to say about him, but there are those who continue to insist that he is, in fact, a man of great comic genius. Often the fact that he has bedded many women will be trotted out by female fans as a kind of recommendation, along with the implication that men who dislike Brand are motivated by jealousy. The point, I think, is that we should all accept him into our hearts and fancy him.

I do have my own theory, however, that many of his boasted-of conquests merely wished to take the man home and soak him in a good bath before scrubbing him down with Jeyes Fluid. In any case, he claims he cannot remember most of them, which is understandable as he was probably gibbering on about himself before, during and after any conquests. At least the Indians won’t understand mockney.

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