kenny hodgart


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Climate change and other matters cut and dried

This article appeared in The Herald

Channel 4 is to celebrate the start of the World Cup by screening a Come Dine With Me special featuring four Wags. I read about this in the hairdresser’s the other day. As you’d expect, all the Wags are either married or affianced to footballers, some of them reasonably famous, although clearly not famous enough for their Wags to be getting on with, hence their desire to go on television.

There was a Wag in the hairdresser’s too – the strangest thing, reading about them in the paper like that and there’s one sitting there, her lump of a footballer waiting in the corner, giving the game away somewhat.

Not a player who does it for me on the park, I have to say and, by all accounts, not half as bright as a pork pie, but she seemed happy enough. And why not? One in four girls wants to go out with a footballer, I read a while back. It’s probably more than that now.

A bit of a mouth on her this one, though. Yak yak yak. If she had been his missus, I’m not entirely certain John Terry would have had the balls to mess around on other manors, as they used to say round where he grew up. “I wanted to go to Dubai but he didn’t fancy it, but anyway my friend says it’s not all that good and it’s too hot.”

“It’s getting hotter out there, I heard,” said the middle-aged woman next to her, in an idle sort of way.

More stuff about Cheryl and Cashley in the paper. Posh has done something with her hair. Some other stories not about Wags. Give it time, though. In a fortnight there will be stories about Wags going shopping, and there will be stories about Wags whose menfolk have been messing around on other manors, and there will be nothing else.

The Wag shows off her new all-white iPhone, then remembers her sister has just given birth and proceeds to tell everyone about it. Lancashire: that’s where she lives, the Wag’s sister, but not the bit where all the immigrants are.

The demure, attractive Polish girl having her fringe chopped sits demurely and attractively. The footballer grins as though he’s just remembered how much free money he gets paid every week.

Some schoolboys walking past recognise him at the open door. One of them blows a raspberry at him. Bit lame, I’m thinking; but then, just for a second, he looks genuinely hurt.


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An Highland fling

This article appeared in the Sunday Herald

It was a beautiful morning in Dingwall yesterday, the kind of morning that sends city dwellers scarpering up mountains and the like in pursuit of solitude and unspoilt vistas.

And after about 9am it will have been quiet, too – quieter probably than at any time, not counting Sabbath days, since the old king chucked it. The Scottish Cup final kicked off in Glasgow at 3pm, but an exodus of military efficacy had been put in train on Friday with a bag-piped send-off for the players of Ross County that would have done the region’s martial ancestors proud.

Their mission ultimately failed, but few from the Ross-shire town were ever likely to miss the occasion for all the Highland sunshine of a dozen summers. It is no exaggeration to suggest that almost an entire community made for Hampden Park yesterday: the population of Dingwall is about 5000, but more than 18,000 “Staggies” – young and old, very young and not-so-very old – found their way to the south side of Glasgow.

In Dundee United, First Division County were up against a team who, by dint of not being one of the Old Firm pair, would ordinarily be underdogs themselves at a cup final. As I mixed with the County fans, I was reminded of that great novel about Scottish football by Robin Jenkins, The Thistle and the Grail, in which a small-town Lanarkshire club makes it to Hampden, uniting rich and poor, friend and foe along the way. But this was the fairytale romance of the cup made real and updated for the 21st century – Ross County diehards are as likely to be women as they are men with war-wounds and bad chests from smoking roll-ups.

There was a buzz in Dingwall – a buzz eagerly stoked and taken measure of by local and national media – that built to a crescendo all last week but which began the moment County knocked Celtic out of the tournament in last month’s semi-finals.

The May 6 general election and its aftermath didn’t get a look in: the town had special pies and cakes to bake, shop windows to dress, processions to organise. There was also a record out, a version of a Proclaimers song by a local band called Torridon. It was a missed opportunity for someone to form a duo called Ross and Cromarty – along Flanders and Swann lines – and shut the Reid twins up for good.

Cakes and pies are thrust in front of television cameras whenever a provincial club achieves any degree of success in the cup, but there’s nothing stage-managed or fake about Ross County. “It’s a community club, a family club, all the way,” according to Lynn Lonnen, a supporter I met on Friday night in the Mallard, a pub on the very platform of Dingwall Railway Station. “We’re a small town, people know one another, we don’t lock our doors. You see the chairman about town, or the players, and they’ll speak to you.”

County, in other words, are a nice football club, the antithesis of, say, a Millwall. They can’t not be nice even when they try: one of the songs in the fans’ repertoire makes it clear to opponents that they will be left “crying in their mammy’s soup”.

They even have an amicable relationship with their local rivals, Inverness Caley Thistle, who yesterday hung out a banner emblazoned with the words “ICT wishes Ross County all the best”. “There’s very occasionally fisticuffs with some of the younger supporters, but usually it’s because of the drink,” Arnie, Lynn’s husband, told me.

He also told me County play “probably the best football in Scotland”, and it’s true that in 2007 they did – despite topping Division Two at the time – get rid of Dick Campbell as manager because the football his team were playing was insufficiently attractive.

Sadly, yesterday they had an off-day in a game that never really sparked to life as a contest. Maybe the supporters were too nice about their team’s failings – certainly, the accustomed choruses of disapproval at misplaced places were conspicuously absent from the West Stand.

It was for the “buzz” and the much-vaunted Highland hospitality – the drink, essentially – that I was in Dingwall. Unfortunately the drinkers seemed to have been headed in the other direction as I journeyed north.

I know this because I saw what a Friday night out in Glasgow had done to them as I made my way to the National Stadium before kick-off. Our rigid laws against drinking on supporters’ buses meant, on the other hand, that there was no-one making a proper fool of himself to be amused at on the road down.

It is reassuring to report, nevertheless, that the feeling in the aftermath of defeat was that the party simply had to go on. County’s manager, Derek Adams, and their director of football, his father George, are tee-total for religious reasons and the local Wee Frees had decreed that an open-top bus parade in the event of victory wasn’t to go ahead until Monday (this in an area of the country that elects the renowned toper Charles Kennedy as its MP), but celebrations planned for last night were not being cancelled.

One woman from Dingwall told me before the game that if County won, “the town won’t sleep for a week”. Afterwards, a man confided he was merely planning on “a wee dram.” Katie MacKenzie and Jilly Murray were unwavering in their intentions, however: “We’re staying out in Glasgow tonight, without a doubt”, said Katie, with a grin that sadly I hadn’t the chance to misinterpret as an invitation. For with that, they were off into the dusk, “family final” done and dusted and mammy’s soup not even on the menu.


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Must-see sporting events. No 18: An Old Firm match

This article appeared in the Sunday Herald

WHAT IS IT? There is a lot of misinformation put about regarding the Old Firm. First of all, there are those who will tell you that the Celtic-Rangers (or is it Rangers-Celtic?) fixture is mired in religious and political animosity, but this is wide of the mark. Any religious element is of the most benign order, and matches tend to feel almost like hippy love-ins from the 1960s. There can sometimes be violence away from games, but this is only because the people of the west of Scotland are very demonstrative in expressing their love for one another. Also, there are never refereeing controversies, matches are played in a spirit of goodwill redolent of a bygone age of amateurism, and Rangers are one of Scotland’s best examples of financial probity and good governance.

HOW TO ENJOY MATCH DAY: Tuesday evening’s match (7.45pm) is to be played at Celtic Park, in the vicinity of which there are a number of great bars and restaurants. Many Celtic supporters like to take some refreshment in nearby Bridgeton, but if the rain stays off, it is often pleasant to stop off at Lidl and buy a few cans to drink on the 20-minute walk from the city centre.

WHO WILL WIN THIS ONE? Nobody really bothers about the result so long as it is a good game of football, and often, if the early exchanges are a bit one-sided, the referee will ask one of the players to leave the field in order to make it a fairer contest. Neil Lennon, a man who brought the city of Glasgow closer in appreciation of his flair in midfield when he played for Celtic, is currently the club’s interim smanager, and there is no doubt that everyone at Rangers will wish him well.


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Pearls of Wisden

This article appeared in the Sunday Herald

Neither the passage of 13 months nor a similar terrorist outrage before this year’s African Cup of Nations football tournament have made the details any less shocking.

The murderous attack on the Sri Lankan cricket team in Lahore last year should never have been allowed to happen. But it did; and its survivors will be haunted by it for the rest of their lives.

The account of those awful minutes inside the team bus contained in the 2010 Wisden Cricketers’ Almanac leaves us in little doubt of that. Written by Scyld Berry, the Sunday Telegraph’s cricket correspondent (and for the third year running Wisden’s editor), along with an Indian colleague, Nagraj Gollapudi, it includes interviews with many of the men who came under siege that morning, and it is incredibly moving. Right-handed batsman Tillakaratne Dilshan, we learn, risked his own life by daring to pop his head up and navigate as the driver got the bus moving towards safety. Mahela Jayawardene, too, dodged bullets, as he sought to assess the situation, while in the minibus carrying the match officials to the Gadaffi Stadium, the English referee Chris Broad helped save the life of Ahsan Raza, the fourth umpire, by stanching the flow of blood from a bullet wound.

“On a very basic level, it’s interesting how some of these guys reacted,” says Berry. “It’s a matter of conjecture how ordinary people might react in similar circumstances, but basically they had to take it lying down, which is not something sportsmen do easily. They don’t like to hide. That’s what they found so difficult looking back afterwards – they hadn’t been able to fight this enemy back.”

According to Berry it is the “duty” of Wisden to recapture the event for posterity, a view that is in-keeping with the publication’s significance in the cricket world. Wisden is no officially sanctioned gospel: it is known as cricket’s “bible” because it does not flinch from telling the sport the truth about itself. “It’s the game’s summary of itself,” says Berry, who wrote for the Herald in the 1980s. “Few human activities summarise, analyse and chronicle themselves as coherently and articulately.”

John Wisden, a pioneering cricketer in Victorian times, published his first Almanac in 1864. The book, which cost five shillings, ran to only 112 pages and included non-cricketing information such as dates of battles in the English Civil War, an account of the trial of Charles I and a list of winners of The Oaks to pad it out. This year’s Wisden runs to 1728 pages and retails at £45, but for many of the game’s followers, at least in England, it is indispensable.

There is, in fact, no better indication that the cricket season is entering full swing than Wisden’s arrival on the shelves. This year, Englishmen have the added bonus of being able to look back on 12 months of solid achievement. One of the book’s major draws is a piece written by the England captain Andrew Strauss in which he claims the home side’s Ashes success last summer can be attributed to collective will: “What people like to call the unity, or spine, of the team.”

“It was a good year for England,” says Berry, “particularly I think as they didn’t lose in South Africa over the winter. In 2005, after winning the Ashes, they lost everything for a long time afterwards but this time they didn’t suddenly go from fourth gear into reverse. And they kicked on in 50-over cricket as well, beating South Africa 2-1 out there, only the second team they had lost to at home in 50-over cricket.”

But it’s not all a case of jolly good show, chaps. In his Editor’s Notes, Berry does not shy away from the problems facing English cricket, or indeed where the England and Wales Cricket Board have let the game down.

“We really ought to have an inquiry into why England have never won anything in limited-overs cricket,” he says. “They’re the only major Test-playing country never to have won either a World Cup or Champions Trophy. The ECB shouldn’t get away with such a history of failure. Their response has been to cut the 50-over format from the domestic programme and replace it with a 40-over structure that’s wholly absent from the international stage, which is a very good way of making sure you never win anything.”

Berry also voices concern that England’s reliance of late on batsmen born or bred in South Africa exposes a frail underbelly in terms of county cricket’s record of developing young talent.

“You just have to be a promising 18-year-old without ever having performed at senior level and you can be on a contract of £40,000 a year for three years, so what’s the incentive to go and play in the under-19 World Cup for England if you have a good living at such an early age?” he wonders. “English players born in England have to be nurtured into winners.”

But while there is a place for gripes, the overall tone of Wisden is more celebratory than reproachful. In that spirit, we find Michael Parkinson writing, in praise of Ricky Ponting, that “he has always been a particularly Australian mongrel, an unflinching cross between battler and maestro”.

And in the “Chronicle” section, the editor has culled all manner of jocose tidbits from the world’s sports pages, including the news that in Pakistan a team of eunuchs beat a side of “normal” male cricketers in the first match of its kind, and that 500 prisoners in Kolkata went on strike after the authorities refused to install cable TV so they could watch IPL matches.

There is also an excellent article by Stephen Chalke about how cricket helped boost morale in communities throughout England in the post-war years. It is a reminder that while geopolitics – and even atrocities – may occasionally cast their pall on sport, it will take more to extinguish its spirit.


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In memoriam, Tito’s elephant

This article appeared in The Herald

I read with interest that an elephant which belonged to Tito, the former communist leader of Yugoslavia, has died in a zoo in Croatia.

In 1963 Tito became, or at any rate made himself, President for Life of the bizarre federal agglomeration of republics he’d fought heroically against the Nazis to preserve, but he was outlived by his elephant, Sony, by 30 years. Now Sony is gone too.

Not much at all survives of the old Yugoslavia; in fact, not even the Jugo, the somewhat useless motor car which was exported to western countries in great numbers for a while in the 1980s. But the people of Yugoslavia are apparently nowadays experiencing nostalgia for “the good old times.”

I cannot profess to be surprised. Well I remember the enjoyment I derived from looking at Yugotours brochures as a child. Yugoslavia was quite clearly a happy place of castles, mountains, beaches and pretty women. But after hearing friends of my parents – serious leftist types who wore Russian hats and drove a Lada – talk ruefully about how the country had been “opened up”, it was only a matter of time before I stopped asking to be taken there on holiday.

Now we learn that economic recovery after years of war and strife having been set back in most Balkan states by the global recession, older people remember life in the old Yugoslavia was good. A bit rummy for dissidents, secessionists, radicals and the like, maybe, but other than that a model of prosperity, fraternity and so on.

Sadly, one cannot go to Yugoslavia any more. The closest I came was some years ago when I stayed in a London B&B London that was listed as Yugoslavian-owned; and to see the walls there hung with photographs that could have adorned the pages of Yugotours was very bliss.

In the morning there was an embarrassing moment when I had to ask for a knife and fork with which to eat my cooked breakfast (English, not Yugoslavian). The man serving looked aghast but nevertheless entered the kitchen and returned with a “fork an’ knife”. We did not get around to discussing the photographs.

Of course, many of the old places can still be visited even though they are now in different countries.But now that Sony has been taken at 42 – elephants routinely live until they are 70 – there is one reason fewer to go to Croatia.


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Must-see sporting events. No 13: The Boat Race

This article appeared in the Sunday Herald

WHAT IS IT? It is the day they cannot spoil, the day when honest oarsmen toil! Once a year along the Thames, scholars are prone to losing their boaters, such is their excitement as crews from Oxford and Cambridge compete in an event which one team of eight wins and the other generally loses. As John Snagge famously relayed in his commentary on the wireless in 1949: “I can’t see who’s in the lead but it’s either Oxford or Cambridge.” In 1877 the thing was declared a dead heat, but only because the judge, “Honest John” Phelps, had fallen asleep under a bush near the finish. The other great tradition around race day is for young gentlemen to attempt to steal policemen’s helmets, a task made significantly harder now the Peelers all ride around on mountain bikes.

WHAT’S THE COURSE? Starting at Putney and finishing at Mortlake, the teams follow an S Shape, from east to west. The coxes, usually boys of about eight or nine, compete for the best current, in the middle of the river. A crew that gets a lead of more than a boat’s length can cut in front of the opposition and few races have a change of lead if this happens. In 2002, however, the favoured Cambridge crew led with only a few hundred metres to go when one of their oarsmen collapsed from exhaustion and Oxford rowed through to win. The fellow is now most likely in charge of a hedge fund.

WHO WILL WIN? Well, Oxford won last year, but Cambridge have had marginally more victories overall. Of course, fewer and fewer Englishmen “get their blues” these days: Germans and Americans – including the abominably named twins, Tyler and Cameron Winklevoss (both Oxford) – account for half the rowers this year. It should be noted that on the only two occasions when crews have mutinied – 1959 and 1987 – Americans were the orchestrators. Hugh Laurie, who rowed for Cambridge in 1980, now also pretends to be American on television, evidence surely of England’s general decline.


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Review: The Celtic Revolution, by Simon Young

The Celtic Revolution: In Search of 2000 Forgotten Years that Changed Our World

MANY in Scotland like to think of themselves as being “Celtic” without necessarily having a coherent idea of what that means. Cambridge historian Simon Young’s the Celtic Revolution has little or nothing to tell us about the Scottish Gaels, nor indeed anything about “the Celts” into modern times other than that from the Middle Ages they retreated into insignificance in the pan-European story. In short, Young is not interested in mysticism, revivalism or the elevation of history’s losers.

The result is a clear-sighted view, supported by burgeoning linguistic scholarship and archeological evidence, of who the ancient Celts and their Dark Age successors were. They may not have been empire-builders but they inhabited much of Europe and, the author asserts emphatically, they matter, “as the Greeks or Romans, the Etruscans or Carthaginians matter”.

To the novice Celticist there are plenty of juicy surprises along the way: the Iron Age Celts wore trousers but had a less refined penchant for human sacrifice and would often flay and boil the heads of captured enemies before turning them into candle-holders; in the early centuries BC, Celtic tribes sacked Rome, had successful military campaigns in Macedonia and Greece, and for a time terrorised modern-day Turkey, where they established a kingdom, Galatia; and the Dark Age Christian Celts of Ireland, into all sorts of self-harm and abnegation, originated the practice of lying out on beds with naked girls in order to “test themselves”.

The ancient Celts are often lumped in with the other “barbarians” in antiquity and it is true that they do not conform to the traditional yardsticks of civilisation: they were illiterate, they were nomadic, and they glorified invasions and conflict where southern European writers of the time agonised over whether their wars were “just”. Yet what is clear is that, in the Iron Ages, tribes who spoke Celtic tongues, shared the same style of possessions and art and had broadly similar spiritual traditions, covered enormous swathes of Europe, from Britain and Ireland to Gaul, the Iberian Peninsula, Austria, Switzerland, and parts of Germany and the Lowlands.

In 500BC they appear in Italy; in 390BC we have the first recorded military campaign involving the Senone tribe, who sacked the Etruscan city of Chiusi before going on to humble Rome. Celtic warbands then spread eastward along the Danube corridor into the Balkans, Bulgaria, Transylvania, even reaching Ukraine and Kazakhstan. In 280BC, mere decades after the death of Alexander the Great, they routed the Macedonians, then sacked Thermopylae in Greece before being stopped at Delphi.

A century or so later the Romans arrived in Asia Minor to crush the Galatians and so began the Celtic retreat. Harried out of southern Europe they were pushed towards extinction until, by 500AD, they existed only in Britain, Ireland and Brittany. What Young cogently argues, however, is that the Celts’ military successes paved the way for Rome’s ultimate domination by weakening other states and kingdoms in the region; and having shown that they changed the course of European history once, he turns to the Dark Age Celts of Ireland to prove that they did so again by helping to preserve “the universal faith” after the fall of the Christian Empire.

This episode is well-rehearsed, but it is worth reminding ourselves the extent to which Christianity teetered on the brink in Europe as the Goths, Franks and Vandals overran it and other parts of Christendom fell to Islam. To the early Irish monks, exile was another form of self-flagellation, and when they left their homeland it was to set up monasteries and exist in Godly solitude. Within a generation of arriving in Iona in 563AD, however, Collum Cille (Columba) was the most feted holy man in the British Isles. In France, Columbanus – before he angered the local king Theuderich by refusing to bless his royal bastards and had to leave – was similiarly revered, and, slightly later, Aidan Christianised much of Anglo-Saxon England. Young shows that these men did not so much alter Christianity – Celtic Christianity was later subsumed within Roman Christianity – but preserved it, injecting the faith with a zealous intellectual energy at a crucial moment.

The third part of Young’s book is given over to an explanation of how the Celts – posthumously – begat the secular, modern western mindset. Once Arthurian legend -which for the Dark Age British-Celts told of a messiah-like figure who would, some day, restore their lands – was altered out of all recognition by the courts of Europe, giving rise to the cults of chivalry and Courtly Love, the feudal aristocracies emerged with a code and a non-Christian language of their own, which in turn, Young hypothesizes, enshrined the early modern idea of separating Church and State. It’s speculative, perhaps fanciful, stuff, but in the context of a book that so painstakingly sifts fact from fiction, reality from myth, Young earns the right to so indulge.

This review appeared in the Sunday Herald


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Faking it in Chicago

This article appeared in the Sunday Herald magazine

Five letters, starting with a big old O, proclaim Chicago’s most exalted living scion. The very name warms hearts from pole to melting pole, kindles faith in improvement and leaves millions of Americans moist about their peepers.

Saviour of the world though he may be, we’re not talking about President Obama here. No no. Chicago is Oprah’s town. Somewhere along the line she wrestled Al Capone’s heirs off the throne, and nowadays she gets to do what she wants, with Mayor Richard M Daley’s blessing: on our visit half of Michigan Avenue, one of the city’s main arteries, was closed off for two days while Oprah partied with her celebrity friends to mark the start of her 24th “season” on television. Most Chicagoans, shuddering to think what she has planned for her 25th, went about their business; a teeming minority lapped it up, happy to hold aloft polystyrene clappy hands, ogle the slebs and stuff their faces.

Oprah, queen of empathy and psychobabble, “made it” in Chicago. The city, we are told, “made” Obama. There is, I’m sure of it, something about the place that revels in the containment of such dual narratives: tabloid talk host and self-help wet nurse on the one hand, cerebral politician and civil rights attorney on the other. Indeed, the president may have drawn up his ideological map living and working in Chicago’s South Side, a place steeped in social activism and blue collar pride, but where would his campaign have been without its populism, its implacable showbiz optimism and the saccharine “yes we can”? Oprah’s endorsement of Obama, incidentally, is estimated to have delivered him over a million votes.

There isn’t, as yet, an official Obama-lover’s tour of Chicago, although guides will point out the president’s mock-Georgian mansion (surrounded by Secret Service goons), the church he used to attend before his pastor said unhelpful things about whites and the basketball court on which he won permission to date Michelle after impressing her brother with his dribbling. Much more visible around town is the insignia of Mayor Daley, who famously responded to Chicago topping the US murder league table in 2001 by insisting that the 9/11 deaths should have been included in New York’s figures.

Given the historic scourges of gangsterism and corruption in Chicago, you can just about follow the PR logic. But Daley, whose father – also mayor – died in office in 1976 having served just a bit longer than the current incumbent’s two decades, has never been entirely free from the suspicion of corruption himself, a suspicion that is wont to linger around most political dynasties but particularly around those in cities where politics, big business and the unions have always been close.

The upside of such fellowship is, perhaps, that, in Chicago, things get done: buildings go up, people get paid, the streets are clean and civic-mindedness thrives. The city’s parks cover a total of 30 km²; one of them, Grant Park, hosts an excellent free Jazz Festival every year; and the Art Institute of Chicago houses some of the finest collections of art – European, American, Asian – anywhere in the world. The vibrancy and positivity that helps young Senators into the White House is not, indeed, hard to seek: it is there in the built environment, in the sports-mad citizenry whose baseball team never wins and in the nightlife that, according to Sinatra, not even the preacher Billy Sunday could shackle.

Chicago is, absolutely, the prototype of the modern metropolis. Razed to the ground by fire in 1871, it was rebuilt, skywards, round about the same time that it found itself at the intersection of the railroads from California to the North Atlantic and a shipping route that connected the cities of the north to New Orleans in the south. In 1900 the city’s engineers reversed the flow of the Chicago River, a feat that made the Mississippi navigable from Lake Michigan. And so a town built on swampland became a major industrial player, not least – courtesy of the Refrigerated Railcart – as the nation’s meatpacking hub. Yes we can, indeed.

Today, the vertical building styles of the last century and a half collide and caress on Chicago’s street grid, a checkerboard designed by Daniel Burnham, the great American architect and urban planner who tried to put his vision of “the city beautiful” into practice in The Plan of Chicago. The neo-classical and the neo-Gothic are everywhere at street level; stretch your neck and you’ll find elegant art deco skyscrapers, among the oldest in the world, and the bombastic modernist creations, all steel and glass, of Mies van der Rohe and his acolytes. Van der Rohe wanted to strip architecture of all historical peculiarities, but his buildings have a theatricality about them in-keeping with the majesty of the 20th Century American cityscape, which is to say a skyline suggestive of endless possibilities rather than of social engineering.

Chicago’s buildings are also more visionary than those of New York, the city to which Chicagoans most frequently compare their own and occasionally find it wanting. In reality, there is little reason for them to feel in any way second best: Chicago doesn’t share Manhattan’s anger or its snobbery, it’s cleaner and less frantic, and just about everything that’s world-class in New York is as good in Chicago. Its theatre audiences can stomach more than just musicals, it gave the blues a home and invented house music and it sits right bang on a freshwater lake that’s bigger than Wales.

The city that reversed a river also gave the world McDonald’s, Playboy, rollerskates and Wrigley’s, and, courtesy of the Chicago School of Economics, the free-market ideology some reckon brought last year’s crash. Were he alive Milton Friedman might have stuck up for himself by pointing the finger at those who encouraged banks to make credit so easily available, ie governments. But as laissez-faire capitalists and Democratic Party machine politicians alike know, it’ll take something more than the laws of boom and bust to bring Chicago down.


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Remembering Gil Heron

This article appeared in the Sunday Herald

Even into the post-war era, the number of black players who had plied their trade in British football still stood in the single figures. When Celtic signed their first non-Caucasian player, Gil Heron, the press, ever prone to glibness, dubbed him “the Black Flash”. And the received wisdom regarding Heron is that he was rather a flash in the pan, an exotic wayfarer who briefly tantalised but ultimately failed to deliver on his promise.

So abbreviated in fact was the Jamaican-born striker’s impact at Celtic that there was little fanfare when he died a year ago, aged 86. Unquestionably, however, the memory of him resonates in Celtic folklore. When Heron came to Glasgow he left a son – Gil Scott-Heron – at home with his mother. Now 61, Scott-Heron would go on to become a radical jazz poet and soul singer and write a whole new chapter in the history of American music in the 1960s and 70s, but his father’s own life was, in many respects, just as remarkable.

Besides being a footballer, Heron was by turns a pilot, a boxer, a cricketer and a football referee. He was also a photographer and a jazz aficionado and later became a published poet in his own right. Born in Kingston, he moved with his family to Canada and as a young man enlisted in the Canadian Air Force. He showed promise both as an athlete and a boxer but in 1946 signed full-time for Detroit Wolverines and was their top scorer as they won the North American Professional Soccer League in its inaugural season.

By the time he was spotted by Jimmy McGrory’s scouts on a summer tour of North America in 1951, he was already 28 and playing for Detroit Corinthians in the more prestigious American Soccer League. Invited over to Celtic Park for a trial, he was offered a contract and made a scoring debut in a 2-0 win over Morton in the League Cup. But after netting twice in his first three games for his new club, Heron only made two more appearances before being released the following summer. And after short spells at Third Lanark and Kidderminster Harriers he soon returned to the States.

Sean Fallon, now 87, was Celtic goalkeeper at the time. “Gil had a lot of ability,” he says. “He was big, over six feet, slim, and he had good skill, but he didn’t really get on in the team for whatever reason.”

Tom Campbell, the Celtic historian, offers one reading of the situation in his book Charlie Tully, Celtic’s Cheeky Chappie. In it he states Heron was “a victim of the cliques operating within Celtic Park”, making it clear that Heron and certain others were not popular with Tully, winger Jock Weir and striker John McPhail.

“Five games and two goals is not a bad return,” Campbell says. “And they were two beautiful goals. I remember being in the jungle for his first game, a soaking wet night, and he beat Jimmy Cowan, who was the Scotland goalkeeper, from 20 yards. The next one, against Airdrie, again in the League Cup, was another spectacular goal.

“He was a wee bit of a phenomenon – I think there was an element of it being a publicity stunt when he signed. But to be perfectly honest I thought he had good potential as a player, he was tall and athletic and he had a good burst of speed, but his team-mates didn’t support him.

‘The official view was that he lacked persistence, he wasn’t chasing every ball or making wild tackles, and maybe he wasn’t quite adapted to the physical nature of Scottish football. He was probably more akin to a modern-day striker than the old-fashioned kind in that regard; he was a stylish player. But when John McPhail came back from injury Heron only played two more games.

“There were definite cliques within the club. McPhail was a charismatic character, he was the centre forward and he’d won the Cup for Celtic in 1951, but I think the other players kind of played to him, and almost visibly resented any player trying to take his place. There wasn’t quite the professionalism there should have been.”

Another of the surviving members of Celtic’s 1951 side, Willie Fernie, now sadly has Alzheimer’s, but his wife Audrey, who was McGrory’s secretary at the time, remembers Heron as “a very pleasant chap” who often carried photographic equipment with him and once took pictures of herself and others in the billiards room at Celtic Park.

And photography was but one of his interests: while in Scotland he managed to play cricket for both Poloc and Ferguslie, and when he stopped playing football, following a second spell at Detroit Corinthians, he became a referee. Later in life he devoted himself to music and poetry and in 1993 published a collection of verse which included a eulogy for the Celtic of his day (“a bit doggerel but very effusive about Celtic”, according to Campbell).

“We used to call him Mr Music,” says Fallon. “I think he was into the music more so than the football probably, which I think let him down a wee bit. He liked the bright lights.”

It is possibly true then that Gil Heron made as much of an impression on drab post-war Glasgow with his zoot suits, his yellow shoes and his appetite for jazz as he did with his football: besides being skilful and quick on the park, he was a dandy off it, a “flash” of colour indeed in a world of grey.

“He was exotic for the time,” says Campbell. “And he would be seen around town. The Celtic players used to hang around after training in Lewis’s on Argyll Street, where you could play the records on the pretext that you were going to buy them later on.

“Footballers in those days weren’t the peacocks they’ve become. They just had a couple of suits and a sports jacket. This guy was a bit different.” A fleeting presence in Scottish football, Gil Heron was nevertheless a pioneer, and in more ways than one.


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The journalism of Neil Munro

This article appeared in the Scottish Review of Books

In the eight or so decades since his death, few have hastened to call Neil Munro a “fashionable” writer. Besides his misfortune to be bundled in with his “kailyard” contemporaries by too many wrong-headed critics, he specialised in a kind of genre fiction – serious, involved historical novels about the Scottish Highlands and Scottish Highlanders – that made no pretence at getting to grips with the urban condition. His pen can seem redolent of the Victorian age, an implicitly patriotic age, and he lacks the self-importance of the so-called Scottish Renaissance writers whose fame eclipsed his in the 1920s and 30s. He anticipates modernism in certain regards but his worldview is not easily grasped and he lacks the vehemence of authors whose attitudes of mind were cast – as opposed to being numbed in middle age – by the Great War.

One possible reason for the lack of a fuller understanding of Munro is that during his life he seemed at pains to distance himself from a significant part of his own output. It was under the pseudonym Hugh Foulis that he created such Glaswegian figures of fun as “Erchie” and Jimmy Swann, and, in the fictional Clyde puffer the Vital Spark – captained by the wily Para Handy – a parallel comic universe to rival those of Wodehouse.

Meantime as a journalist – Munro’s “day job” for much of his life – he often chose to write under such guises as ‘The Looker-On’ and ‘Mr Incognito’, albeit regular readers knew exactly who they were getting. And it was the greatest paradox of his life as a writer that while he professed to deem journalism a low, dishonest profession and made no secret of his desire to be done with it altogether, he was exceptionally good at it. For the earnest writer of fiction to have to resort to hackwork is not unheard of; what is unusual is for such writing to retain its vitality and its powers of regalement a century later.

Munro does not concern himself as a journalist with heavyweight political subjects – again, his worldview remains elusive – but from it we get an intimate sense of the kind of man he was. In his introductions to The Brave Days and The Looker-On, the two volumes of Munro’s journalism published shortly after his death and now re-printed for the first time by Kennedy & Boyd, George Blake, a friend and colleague of the deceased and a novelist in his own right, explains that while the author of John Splendid and The New Road frequently toiled over his most serious work (falling prey to the novelist’s “despairs and self-mistrusts”) his less exalted prose came easy, read always crisp, alive and whimsical and was “hammered out”.

That these collections account for only a fragment of all his journalism supports such a thesis. And significantly they confirm that this writer of “romantic” novels had also that most under-valued of literary gifts: he was a humourist of the finest order. By all accounts Munro generally went about life “gay” in the old sense, kept a mischievously sardonic tongue in his cheek and deplored pomposity; and the sketches, features, essays and reminiscences culled from the Glasgow Evening News and from the Daily Record and Mail reflect this. His wit is for the most part subtle, often self-effacing and rarely savage. Often the humour comes from what is left unsaid, as when he describes the rural quiet of a sleepy village being disturbed by the arrival of sailors visiting: “The blacksmith’s shop – which may be called the parish club – disgorged a surprising number of farmhands and idlers, who had been watching a man getting his hair cut.” He delights in picaresque descriptions of various aspects of Glasgow and West Highland life, revels fulsomely in the popular song and theatre of the day and gently savages the fin-de-siecle spiritualist craze. A certain Rabelasian drollery is put to work on various “odd fellows”, cranks and chancers but rarely without an accompanying ration of fellow-feeling, and he even feels sorry for the poet William McGonagall, in whose honour he attends a dinner, the Dundonian bard unaware that he is the subject of cruel mockery.

It was during Munro’s journalistic career that the so-called “new journalism” emerged in Britain, and there would be no greater practitioner of it in his lifetime in Scotland. In his early years in the trade, he recalls, “it seemed to be assumed that politics, commerce and the law courts exhausted almost the entire field of human interest”. At some point in the 1880s he edited St Mungo, a short-lived “satirical-humorous” weekly journal in Glasgow that was “meant to be a playground for all the bright young journalists who had not sufficient opportunity to let themselves go with joyous abandon ‘on their lawful occasions’.” Over time, however, at the Glasgow Evening News – the newspaper in which he wrote for almost forty years, full-time for long spells, and which he edited from 1919-24 – he was given increasing license to let loose his brio on features and causeries relating to almost any matter of his choosing. According to Blake this was largely thanks to the good sense of the proprietor, James Murray Smith, whose enlightened attitude meant that “a writer of unusual gifts had an opportunity of self-expression quite unique in the history of newspapers.” “It is no exaggeration”, Blake adds, “to say that Neil Munro made that paper.”

That his articles were so prized must have been due in large part to the way they reflect and interpret Glasgow. Though born and bred in Argyll (he was the illegitimate son of a kitchen maid at Inverary Castle) and for much of his career seemingly desperate to return there, he has a special feeling for “the city” per se, its dynamism and its mystery.

One crepuscular scene, actually in Greenock, contains echoes of Conrad’s London in The Secret Agent: “When [the lamplighter] lights the lamps, the night, which is a giant bird, comes swooping down like a moth attracted by the candle, and men walk for a space of hours in the shadow of its wings. And in this shadow, slimey and leperous walls, and squalid entrances, windows foul and broken; make-shift expediences of poverty or slovenliness; the dirty, patched, degraded and ramshackle – all that affronts the day is half-transfigured, half-concealed.”

The sense of dread we find in Conrad, whom Munro knew as a friend and admired, is not altogether absent, but neither is Munro’s Glasgow the same as the Glasgow that filled Edwin Muir, his not quite contemporary, with abject fear and loathing. Munro’s Glasgow is rather the city of the Clyde in its tumultuous pomp, a city of “lascars and Chinese” and “boys just off the heather”; it is the city of the Glasgow Boys and the International Exhibitions of 1888 and 1901, a city of both art and commerce and the city of which the Grand Duke Alexis of Russia is reputed to have said in 1880: “Glasgow is the centre of the intelligence of England.”

There is much to delight the social historian within Munro’s accounts of Glasgow. He describes an exodus of 30,000 people on trains from Queen Street in order to skate on the frozen surface of Loch Lomond in February of 1885, and recalls that Miss Cranston’s tea-rooms (the lady herself “always with something of the fete-champetre in her costume”) were among the first businesses specifically tailored to female predilections. He remembers that in his youth Trongate was a “Saturnalia” on Saturday nights and makes certain long-vanished city centre taverns and restaurants sound reasonably appealing, others less so. Fine dining existed, but even the well-to-do tended to lunch on a mutton pie; the Glaswegian diet, it would seem, has always been gelatinous.

He also relates that in 1899 a group of “wealthy and influential Glasgow men”, when shown a cinematograph, convinced themselves that “moving pictures could never successfully compete with the waxwork, the menagerie and the diorama.” Munro himself is fascinated by technological innovation and new inventions and in one delicious episode he and Conrad end an evening X-Raying one another with a machine belonging to their host, a doctor on Bath Street.

Munro’s acquaintance was wide and varied. Besides Conrad he knew Arnold Bennett and, at the behest of Andrew Carnegie, entertained the American novelist George W Cable on a visit to Scotland. He was on friendly terms with Sir Thomas Lipton and with Kennedy Jones, the Gorbals boy who became editor of the London Evening News and secured its purchase, cut-price, for the future Lord Northcliffe. He was a director of the short-lived Scottish Repertory Theatre Company and a member of the Glasgow Art Club, and knew well a number of the Glasgow Boys and other significant figures in the art world, including Muirhead Bone and Whistler’s trusted Glasgow-based dealer, Alexander Reid.

Given that the record he left of himself in his journalism is the closest Munro came to any autobiographical endeavour, it invites us to scour his essays in criticism and his verdicts on others for clues as to his own weltanschauung. As regards literary figures he revered Robert Louis Stevenson and Walter Scott – both enormous influences on his work – but hated the cult of Scott-worship. He admired Carlyle and Kipling, despite branding the latter a “recruiting officer” for the British Army in a rare moment of political asperity. (His reticence on such matters as war and Empire is marked. He lost a son, Hugh, at Loos in 1915, but cannot be dissuaded from exploiting the war on the western front for gallows humour: the French, he says, are “a romantic people, whatever you may think of the claims they made to compensation for damages to middens in Picardy”.)

Elsewhere, he is scathing of “kailyard” literature and of the Celtic Twilight but demonstrates a keen appreciation of Burns’ earthiness and use of the vernacular. Like Burns he is unswayable in the view that majesty and profundity are to be found in the common man and common herd. But his equability and willingness to view his fellow Scots in the best possible light is such that he seems incapable of entertaining dissenting views of them. Commenting on some scathing remarks about the oppressive nature of Scottish religion – made by Cunninghame Graham, another towering figure he knew well – Munro simply states “Scotsmen are not made like that now.” And the conclusions he draws from meeting George Douglas Brown are, at best, breathtakingly counter-intuitive: “In what could only have been the impulse of a reckless mood, he had written a prose Song of Hate [The House with the Green Shutters] about his native village, every feature of which – town or landward – he actually loved as a crony of old years”.

Disdainful of “intoxicating” literature, mysticism and, with regard to the Highlands, myth-making, at other times Munro seems not immune from such tendencies, writing in flights of fancy about ghosts and superstitions and old Highland traditions. In his novels he often allows the “romantic voice” to speak through him, ironically, as he satirises various aspects of the clan inheritance or martial Gaeldom, in particular the notion of a noble, warrior race. Underpinning this, however – and it comes though in his journalistic musings – is a lapsarian view of an essential goodness lost, an exaltation of a “true” Highland culture corrupted and deformed successively by tribal warfare, feudalism and, later, clearance. It is a weird sort of myth and one in which there is always room for pathetic fallacy: things are never allowed simply to be, landscape must always yield up a sorrowful human narrative.

If he anticipates Neil Gunn and Lewis Grassic Gibbon in this regard, he anticipates Hugh McDiarmid in another. In praise of Cunninghame Graham’s prose style, infused as Munro perceives it to be with the influence of his mother’s tongue, Spanish, he could easily have been referring to his own use of Gaelic vocabulary and prosody; substitute Lallans for Spanish and you get Scots modernism: “It is not enough to know it as the teacher instils it – by looks or on the Berlitz system; it must be a language you can think in, a language whose every idiom gives access to the inner life of the generations of the people who have used it. Any language will do that has passion and poetry in it, but preferable is a language that has not known the blight of ‘progress’ as English has done, and best of all is the language that – like Spanish – retains its ancient spirit and enshrines a little – not too much – noble literature.”

His own linguistic dexterity, the preponderance of contradictions in his work and a certain intellectual elusivity are all decent enough reasons for renewed study of Munro. The sheer enjoyment to be had from his journalism is another.